Mad Medieval Flagellation: When "Spanking Yourself Silly" Was Cool

Ah, the good old days. Back when a little self-inflicted pain was considered top-tier healthcare. I'm talking about the Flagellant Movement, folks – a time when people thought whipping themselves bloody was a surefire way to appease the wrath of God and stop that pesky plague from spreading.

Medieval Flagellation, when self-inflicted pain was in style

Now, I'm no doctor, but I'm pretty sure a good, old-fashioned lashing isn't exactly on the CDC's recommended list of pandemic prevention strategies. But hey, who am I to judge? Maybe those medieval folks were onto something. After all, what better way to distract yourself from the horrors of a raging epidemic than by focusing on the exquisite agony of a well-placed self-flogging?

Think about it:

• Stress Relief: Forget yoga and meditation, the Flagellants had the ultimate stress reliever. A good, vigorous whipping guaranteed to release all that pent-up anxiety about dying from the Black Death.

  
  

• Natural Pain Management: Who needs opioids when you can just whip yourself into a blissful state of oblivion?

  
  

• Guaranteed Medieval Attention: Tired of being ignored at parties? Just start flogging yourself in the corner. Guaranteed to be a conversation starter. (Though maybe not the kind you're hoping for.)

Of course, there was also the whole "appeasing God" thing. Seems like a bit of a long shot to me. I mean, have you seen some of the things people do in the name of religion? But hey, to each their own. If you're feeling particularly guilty about that extra slice of pizza you had last night, maybe a little self-flagellation is just the thing. Just be sure to use a clean whip, and maybe consider wearing some protective gear. You know, for safety reasons.

So when did mad Medieval flagellation (spanking yourself silly) stopped being cool?

Ah, the Church. Always quick to intervene when things get a little too passionate, aren't they? Apparently, whipping yourself silly wasn't just a personal wellness routine; it was a direct assault on the Church's monopoly on divine favor.

Imagine the horror! These misguided souls, thinking they could bypass all those pesky priests and sacraments with a good, old-fashioned lashing. The audacity!

And let's not forget the public relations nightmare. Unruly mobs of half-naked people whipping themselves in the streets? It was enough to make even the most hardened medieval bishop blush. Not to mention the potential for disease outbreaks. Talk about a PR disaster!

So, the Church, ever the pragmatists, stepped in. "Hold your horses, folks!" they declared. "We may not understand your peculiar brand of self-care, but we do know how to run a religion. Now, put down those whips and come back for some proper absolution. It'll cost you, of course, but at least it'll be official."

And that, my friends, is why the Flagellant movement met its demise. Not because it was viewed as wrong or harmful (well, maybe a little harmful), but because it threatened the Church's carefully constructed system of spiritual control.

P.S. Medieval Flagellation, when mad whipping was a way to appease God: I wonder if they had any particularly stylish whips back then? Maybe some with feather trim or intricate leatherwork? Now that would be a true fashion statement.

P.P.S. On second thought, maybe I'll stick to yoga.

For more mad medieval blogs, check out our blog page, favorite movies or dare to join our mailing list.

---

To subscribe

More medieval blogs

Our favorite medieval movies

---