From Plague to Pilgrimage: Tourism's Dark Ages

Okay, let's be honest. We humans haven't changed much. Sure, we've swapped our pilgrimages to dusty monasteries for weekend trips to Coachella, but the core desire remains the same: to chase the elusive "it" factor.

A solitary medieval traveler at an ancient stone church under a brooding, overcast sky

Back in the good ol' medieval times, this "it" factor wasn't a killer setlist or a viral TikTok dance. Oh no, it was far more… spiritual. I'm talking about relics.

So, you're a peasant, right? Living the dream - dirt floors, questionable hygiene, the usual. And let's not forget:

• The Black Death: Always a fun time.

  
  

• Crop failures: Because, you know, the weather hates you.

  
  

• That nagging cough that just won't quit: Probably tuberculosis, but who's diagnosing?

So, what's a poor, disease-ridden peasant to do? Well, they'd pack their meager belongings, strap on their walking shoes (probably just some really worn-out sandals), and embark on a pilgrimage. Not to some picturesque mountaintop, mind you, but to some dingy old abbey where a monk claimed to possess a piece of the True Cross.

Yes, you read that right. A piece of the actual cross upon which Jesus Christ was crucified.

Now, I'm not saying these people were gullible. They were just… practical. Think about it:

• Free healthcare: Touch the relic, get cured! (Or at least, maybe avoid the plague. Worth a shot, right?)

  
  

• Free entertainment: Long, arduous journeys filled with fellow travelers, questionable hygiene, and the occasional bandit attack.

  
  

• A chance to brag: "Oh, you've never touched a fragment of Saint Bartholomew's finger? Peasant!"

Of course, there were some… side effects. Like, you know, the often-mentioned plagues, the ever-present threat of starvation, and the very real possibility of being robbed blind by some opportunistic monk who'd swapped the "True Cross" for a cleverly disguised piece of driftwood.

But hey, at least they had something to talk about at the next village feast.

"And then," they'd say, eyes gleaming, "I touched the True Cross! And let me tell you, friends, I haven't had a fever dream about dancing skeletons since!"

And everyone would nod knowingly, because they'd all been there. They'd all stood in line, elbow-to-elbow with strangers, all desperate for a touch of the divine.

It's a timeless tale, really. People will travel great distances for a taste of the extraordinary, whether it's a glimpse of a celebrity, a front-row ticket to a concert, or a chance to touch a piece of wood that might have once been in contact with Jesus.

Dark Agnes plague to pilgrimage: Top 10 tourism's spots for all sinners

·       Rome: "The Bone Yard" - Where every dusty crypt whispered secrets of saints and martyrs.

·       Santiago de Compostela: - Walk a thousand miles for a glimpse of the Apostle James. Blisters optional.

·       Jerusalem: "The Holy Hustle" - Elbow your way through crowds of fellow pilgrims, all vying for a touch of the True Cross and a good view of the (alleged) crucifixion site.

·       Cluny: "The Relic Hoard" - This monastery was basically a medieval museum of weird stuff. Think: bits of Noah's Ark, tears of Saint Mary Magdalene, and maybe even a dragon scale or two.

·       Trier: "The Robe Job" - Home of the Holy Robe, a garment so sacred it probably glowed in the dark (or at least, that's what they told you).

·       Tournai, Belgium: "The Blood Bank" - Where you could allegedly see the actual blood of Christ.

·       Aix-la-Chapelle, Germany: "The Emperor's Treasure Chest" - Charlemagne's tomb was a veritable treasure trove of relics, including the loincloth of Jesus and a nail from the True Cross. Among Charlemagne's remains: a skull, a shin bone, and a few other bone fragments. Of course, some bones were missing—because what's a medieval death without a few relics being handed out like party favors? 🎉💀

·       Prague, Czech Republic: "The Crown Jewels and Other Curiosities" - Besides the dazzling crown jewels, you could also marvel at the arm of Saint Vitus (and pray he didn't come back to life and demand it back).

·       Padua, Italy: "The Tooth Fairy" - Home to the "authentic" tooth of Saint Anthony of Padua. (Just try not to think about how many teeth have been "donated" to religious causes throughout history.)

·       Any roadside shrine: "The "Oh, What the Heck" Stop" - Sometimes the best relics were the unexpected ones. A rusty horseshoe nailed to a tree, a blessed rock, a stray feather… you never knew what miraculous powers might be lurking.

Ah, the irony!

Back in the day, people would trek for weeks, enduring blisters, bandits, and questionable hygiene, all for a fleeting touch of a bone fragment that might have belonged to some long-dead saint. Talk about dedication!

Meanwhile, I'm about to hop on a plane, polluting the atmosphere and contributing to the impending climate apocalypse, all to witness the electrifying performance of Mr. Worldwide, Pit Bull himself.

Progress, I guess…

Disclaimer: This blog post about Medieval stories, dark ages, Black Death, plague and tourism is intended for humor and satire. Please do not attempt to touch any religious relics without proper authorization and for god’s sake, wash your hands!

For more mad medieval blogs, check out our blog page, favorite movies or dare to join our mailing list.

---

To subscribe

More medieval blogs

Our favorite medieval movies

---