Mad Medieval Medicine: A Story of Aches and Ouchies!
- Etan L
- Jan 2
- 3 min read
Updated: Aug 11
Greetings, fellow time travelers! Buckle up for a journey through the truly bizarre world of medieval medicine.
Leeches: The Original "Suck It Up" Therapists
Forget your fancy IVs and blood thinners. Back in the day, if you were feeling a bit…over-blooded, the go-to remedy was a swarm of leeches. Yes, you read that right. These slimy suckers were believed to drain away "bad humors" – the medieval equivalent of a bad mood, but much more literal.
Turns out, those slimy suckers aren't just for medieval bloodletting! Modern medicine has rediscovered the wonders of the leech, but in a much more refined way. Forget draining you of your "humors," these little guys are now high-tech micro-surgeons! They delicately nibble away at congested blood, ensuring optimal circulation after tricky procedures like reattaching a finger or performing intricate plastic surgery. It's like having a tiny, personalized vacuum cleaner for your bloodstream, minus the awkward conversations with your neighbors about why you have a leech stuck to your ear.
The Dung of Kings (and Commoners Too!)
Now, let's talk ointments. Forget your soothing lavender and tea tree oil. Medieval medicine cabinets were overflowing with concoctions that would make your skin crawl. Human fat? Check. Animal dung? You betcha! These delightful ingredients were thought to have magical healing properties.
Yet, we are only scratching the medieval surface. More about unicorn powder, and mad Medieval dentistry in future teeth rattling blogs.
Why So Gross?
You might be wondering, "Why on earth would anyone put that stuff on their skin?" Well, dear reader, in a time before germ theory, the logic was simple: if something smelled truly awful, it must be powerful!
The Future of "Ew!"
Now, let's fast forward to the future. Imagine a time when our descendants look back on modern medicine with the same bewildered amusement we feel for medieval practices.
"Can you believe they used to inject themselves with tiny needles?!"
"And those radiation machines! They practically cooked themselves from the inside out!"
"And the surgeries! All that cutting and stitching! Barbaric!"
Perhaps our obsession with chemical preservatives will be seen as equally baffling. "They used to inject their food with all sorts of unnatural substances to make it last longer! No wonder they had so many strange ailments!"
The Bottom Line:
Medieval medicine, with its leeches and dung-based ointments, may seem utterly bizarre to us. But it's a reminder that medical practices are constantly evolving. What we consider "normal" today might seem equally outlandish to future generations.
So, the next time you cringe at the thought of a shot or complain about the taste of your medicine, remember: things could be much worse. You could be facing a leech infestation or an ointment made from…well, let's not go there.
Disclaimer: This blog post is for entertainment purposes only. Please do not attempt to treat yourself with leeches or animal dung. Consult a qualified medical professional for any health concerns.
I hope you enjoyed this whimsical journey through the world of mad medieval medicine!
P.S. If you have any particularly amusing mad medieval medicine stories, feel free to share them in the comments below!
For more mad medieval blogs, check out our blog page, favorite movies or dare to join our mailing list.
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